Buy a bag and sit down in front of YouTube
Grab the bong and the weed tray
Turn on a podcast
Grab the best nug out of the sack and break it up
My fingertips perform their old trick and softly dissect the beautiful flower they contain
God, this fucking theme song is terrible
The Dude needs to hire a songwriter…
But then a strange sound comes from underneath my hands
A sharp sting penetrates the soft pillow of peace
What should I do?
I think I have an empty pot and some soil and its spring
Maybe I could?
And so it begins…
Over the next few weeks I fuss and tend to this tiny little string of green joy
I research and watch and secretly search Amazon
Wait, you’re not supposed to use MiracleGro?
How the fuck do I check PH?
Oh my god, my lights are here
Is it too hot in this tent?
Do I need Recharge?
What in the fuck is an Autoflower!?
I gave her too much nitrogen
Is that? Oh shit, OH FUCK! IT’S A FLOWER!
How have I spent $500 on this already?
Tell me that’s not mold…
Can I cut it off?
Week 9, is it time to harvest?
One more week?
It’s been 3 months!
And then that day comes and I am not prepared
I have loved her
I have nurtured her
I have given her food and water and a lovely place to grow and thrive
And now I must kill her
Don’t think about it
Just go in there and cut
(I wonder if I can do it with my eyes closed)
(she’s going to know its me as soon as I open the tent)
(I bet she thinks its nute day..)
Just fucking do it
So I do
She’s cut and hung and all dried out
It’s been a few weeks and I go to get the urn that contains here remains
I take her out and find the prettiest nug
And my fingers perform their old trick
How bout it?
She’d like that
As I remember fondly the journey from start to finish
I draw deep on this fine line of flower
A contemplative moment
A chicken or egg, so to speak
Without me, she wouldn’t be here
Without her, I wouldn’t be
So I guess it’s a fair trade
I give to you and you give to me
We all die after all
We not be tended to by a fine human and silently snuffed out in your sleep
I’ll take that over what some get
But I digress
We are here to celebrate life and this wonderful symbiotic relationship
Fuck, I should smoke another one, I sound like one of those new age assholes…
I reach in for the best looking bud and my fingers begin to move
Then I here that sound
That sound that lets me know she’s still here
I look down at what I already know is there
Well, I’ve already got the tent and light
Let me check my bank account…